


The crumpled card

by Tamiflu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ace! Levi, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, Asexual main character, Cuddles, Drunken Shenanigans, Eren is 25 and Levi 21, Ereri Week, Ereri Week 2015, Light Angst, M/M, Manga! Eren, Model! Eren, Neuroscientist! Levi, Older! Eren, Persistent! Eren, Sex-repulsed! Levi, Sleepy Cuddles, Tea shop AU, Younger! Levi, aka Eren with grey eyes, alcohol use, bad thoughts about sex, by like 3 years, dorks falling in love, kind of, mentions of alcohol use, more like negative to neutral towards sex Levi, pining! Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-02 09:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4054435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamiflu/pseuds/Tamiflu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi just wants to finish college and start actually making money. Instead of just spending most of his money on college tuition. He meets Eren and things get a bit more complicated. He doesn’t want to dig up the stuff that he had oh so neatly buried inside him. What he doesn’t realize is that things aren’t that black and white, especially when that grey-eyed bastard enters his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Corticoliberin

**Author's Note:**

> Story created for Ereri Week 2015.  
> [Theme for each chapter is 1. Pining; 2. Summer Job; 3. Catch me; 4. Fireflies; 5. Myth ~~ology~~ ; 6. Storm; 7. Soulmates.]
> 
> First time writing for a ship week. I just didn’t want to follow the prompts to a T and took some creative liberty with each theme (I hope that’s okay, if not oh well ┐(‘～`；)┌ You win some you lose others)  
> The seven days are all in the same Au.
> 
> Hope you like it (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> Please tell me if you see something stupid like ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’. I’m tired.
> 
> Disclaimer: I did a lot of research about neurotransmitters and their relation with emotions/ feelings of love but if by any chance anything is wrong 1. I’m sorry 2. Please tell me so I can change it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meet up. Levi considers selling a kidney for a product he doesn’t know. A mint green card crumpled between his fingers.
> 
> “Corticoliberin is a peptide hormone and neurotransmitter involved in the stress response. Increased in production has been observed to be associated with major depression. It appears to be on the highest concentration when the object of affection and or addiction is not present in the person’s life. Causing the person to feel a sentiment of emptiness, sadness and desire to be once again with the object of their affection/addiction.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Okay, so on this chapter Levi thinks about somethings – bad things. Things that raise flag warnings about consent. He  ONLY thinks about them and Eren would NEVER do them. ( ~~On another universe if they were in such a situation Eren would ask consent so much it would bore Levi’s panties~~ ) Okay?  
> I wrote them because I felt like they are necessary to understand Levi’s feelings (especially if one never had negative feelings/thoughts about sex) it’s not like there is any description of a sex scene. It is just Levi’s feelings and the dialogue imagined by him would such a situation arise. (If you have any concerns talk to me on [Tumblr](http://tamiflu.co.vu/ask))

“Are you busy?” Levi rolls onto his side making himself more comfortable while cradling his phone on his shoulder. He flips a page on his text book. He could swear the words were swimming on his book, making everything blurry and those images of CT scans were starting to have colours. _‘Oh wait those were PET-CT. Yeah that’s supposed to have colour. I’m fine. I can keep going’._ It didn’t matter how much he told himself. He couldn’t even half believe it. He was fucking tired and he should really rest. Somehow he kept studying or trying to, since his cousin had interrupted his studies with a phone call.

“Yes” The monotone response was received with a huff from the other side. The book made a soft thud when he flips the cover to close it. He rubs one of his eyes and looks around, looking for his cup. He knew it had to be somewhere. He spots the treasured item on his desk serving as a paper weight for the moment. He stretches and grabs it.

“Actually busy?” He takes a sip. _‘Not bad, still warm’_. He starts looking for the article that had made him go look in the book for extra information. He founds it stuffed under his notes.

Scratching his ebony hair while speed reading the paper he answers her again. “Yes” She hums at his response. He had a hint that she isn’t paying the conversation that much attention, much like himself. If he had to go by the noise on the other side of the phone, he would assume that the fact that he was speaking in a low tone wasn’t helping.

“Okay, so you can go to my apartment and garb the bag that’s in the kitchen that has my extra lenses?” He sighs, pushing his hand further onto his hair and slightly pulling it. _‘This shit isn’t making sense’_. He opens the book again searching for the page he wanted.

Suddenly he stops reading. The finger that was following the sentence frozen in place. He focuses on some random place on the wall and gave more attention to the phone call. Trying to make his point clear and get back to his neurotransmitters as soon as the call was dropped. “I’m really--”

“Thanks. Bye. I’ll text you the address of where I am” He takes his phone from his ear. He stares at it. Looks at his screen going from the incoming call screen, with the clock counting the time. To his main screen, with a random photo he had found on the internet, and going back to black. He stays there looking at it, like a monkey that can’t understand what the object on his hand was. ‘Fuck. Mikasa’  


  


[ENSG00000147571]

  


Against his better judgment, he went to Mikasa’s apartment on the nice side of the city. One tube ride after he reached her apartment. The bag was on the place she had said, he grabbed it and left her house. Since he was there he couldn’t really say no to one of those stupidly expensive coffee’s he liked so much. So with a steaming coffee on one hand and Mikasa’s bag on the other he walks to the tube once again. While waiting he checks his e-mail and replies to his professor about his thesis.

The place Mikasa was working today wasn’t that far from her apartment and he really couldn’t phantom why she had called him. She should have people that did that shit for her - with the being a famous photographer and shit. She was so going to pay for another coffee and a bag of custard doughnuts. He enters the place, apart from the guy at the entrance that gives him a questing look when he walked in no one seemed to notice his presence.

The place was exactly what he had expected. High ceilings and pristine white walls with large French windows. The rooms filled with art that was more expensive than what his PhD was currently eating away on his bank account. Crystal chandeliers and high end furniture, making the place look like straight from the 18th century. Most of the original furniture was pushed to the sides leaving space for clothes and other things used in such a production.

The rooms actually being used for shoots were even more beautifully decorated. Polished furniture and the perfect lighting for the pretty topping of ~~stupidly~~ tall and attractive people. Attractive people dressed in clothes that could pay his apartment rent for, at least, a month.

He tried not to be too bitter about it. About all the money he was currently surrounded with when he was barely making it each month. He had made his choice and he loved what he was studying. He would never change it for the sole reason of making more money. The money would eventually come, probably once he was done with his studies and was actually working full time on a lab or something. Instead of being just a writers assistant and a student.

After searching for a bit he found Mikasa on one of the rooms taking some pictures of a single guy in a black suit and red tie. The guy was standing near one of those white rimmed French windows, slightly leaning on the back of a chaise-long. He looked like he wasn’t even paying attention to the commotion around with. Like there wasn’t a person in the room solely dedicated to take photos of him, let alone everyone else. He was focused on the window, just like he was admiring the sky. He heard the snap of the camera’s shutter a couple of times. Then the guy moves. He walks around the chair and leans on it once again. He is now looking down, his copper hair obscuring most of his face. More photos. He starts to slowly lift his head. He looks straight at the camera first serious and then giving the ~~sexiest~~ , cockiest smirk Levi had ever seen.

“That’s it. Give me more” The guy huffs at Mikasa’s approval and proceeds to push his hand onto his hair messing it up on the most perfect way. The shutter is heard once again a couple of times. Levi can’t take his eyes of the guy while he moves and poses. He didn’t really know what they were trying to sell but he definitely wanted to buy it. He would probably have to sell one his kidney to do it, though. Especially considering that his bank account was nearing on the zeros.

He is frozen in place when those grey eyes lock onto his own. The guy smiles, bites his lip and looks at him through half lidded eyes. “Perfect.” He hears the shutter go off a few more times in a row. Mikasa then stops to look at the last set of photos. “Take five.” She fidgets with her camera while talking, Levi notices the way the guy relaxes his posture. Although the raven is looking at Mikasa now, trying to get her attention. He can still feel those eyes on him burning a hole on the side of his face. “I need to get my other lenses anyway.” She murmurs. Mikasa turns on her heel, phone on her hand.

“Looking for these?” He says lifting the bag and walking up to her.

“Ah! God, took you long enough”

“Is thanks out of fashion?” He delivers the bag anyway. She rolls her eyes and calls one of the girls. She starts walking out of the room with the brunette girl in tow. “You owe me coffee! And doughnuts!” He yells after her. She dismisses him with a wave of her hand.

“I’ll buy you coffee”

“What? I--” He is so distracted with following Mikasa’s steps with his eyes that he doesn't even notices a person approach him. But not just a random person – no, this was pretty-eyes guy. He looks up (Yes, he had to look up – stupid tall people). “I--”

“I’ll even buy you doughnuts” Levi looks back to where Mikasa should be, noticing that she was nowhere that he could see. Was he cheap? Was he poor enough that the prospect of people buying him coffee and doughnuts sounded like a good idea?

“No you aren’t” A second voice says. Levi quickly scans the room looking for the source of the other voice. It belongs to a blond young man that is stretched on a sofa that had been pushed to the side to give space for the shoot. “You still have work, no running off like last time. Do you know how long it took me to find you?”

“Three hours…” The other mutters. Obviously having heard this multiple times, if the look on his face was anything to go by.

“Three hours, Eren!” The blond says with a high pitched voice. “I’m not even sure how you managed to go to the other side of the town in so little time! I was this close to call the hospital asking if they had a dumbass there.” He hadn’t taken his eyes off his phone, but that didn’t make his speech any less threatening. “I was thinking what I should tell his mother. ‘I’m sorry ‘mam I’ve seemed to have lost your son in Singapore. Please have this magnet from there as an apology’? I mean that magnet would’ve be more useful, but then again you are kind of her only son so…” He moves his hands as if weighing the situation. The pretty-eyes huffs in response and says ass under his breath. “I’m a busy person I don’t have time to search for your ass, Eren”

He rolls his eyes and promptly ignores the blond, turning once again to him. “They have tea and fruit down stairs” He gives a questioning look to which Levi replies with a shrug. Actually tea sounded really good too. They leave the room but not without Mr. pretty-eyes first declaring to blondie that he is going downstairs so that he wouldn’t have to "search for his ass".

They walk side by side in a strained silence. He wants to say something (anything) but once again his social grace leaves him to dry. Once they are in the room near the entrance the guy serves him a mug of tea. Only breaking the silence to ask if he wants milk and sugar (No. Yes, one) “Soo, where do you know Mikasa?” He finally breaks the silence after way too much time in Levi’s opinion.

“She’s my cousin. And you?” _‘And you???’_ He wants to bang his head on the wall – repeatedly. He wants to go home and hide from the world and never talk to anyone ever again. He decides on just taking a big gulp of his tea, if his mouth is full he won’t spill shit out of it - probably.

The brunet laughs. _‘Of course he would’_. “From work” He gestures around him in a self-explanatory manor. Levi drinks another big gulp after a jerky nod of his head. He looks casually around the room, or at least he hopes he looks casual and not he is trying to run away. He ends up giving up and focuses on his shoes. “Sorry for the lack of doughnuts, but models don’t really eat them. Straight to the hips” The brunet mocks, easily laughing at his own joke. When Levi hears the sound he looks at up, startled by how perfect it sounds on his ears. He smiles albeit strained, his laughter really contagious. 

Silence.

“Eren, my name.” He coughs and squeezes his mug a bit tighter. His fingers going white on the tips from the force. “I mean, I’m Eren”

“Humm, Levi” He takes another mouthful of tea. On the corner of his eyes he sees Mikasa approaching them along with a pretty petite blonde. He focuses his gaze back on Eren, looking at the way he stares at him. Envying that smile, he so easily steps in.

“So, Levi--” He stops when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks at the offending appendage, his scowl melting when he meets Mikasa’s mostly black irises. “You ready for me?” He asks smiling and placing a hand on her waist, giving her a sort of side hug in the process.

“Yeah, and I brought you a hot girl” She eyes the small girl while patting him on his shoulder. “Christa. Eren. The guy I told you about.” The cute girl smiles and politely extends her hand to him, which he takes.

“Nice to meet you, Eren” The girl smiles again. She has an aura of happiness around her. He looks back at Eren, his attention on the blonde girl. His smile genuine – eyes crinkling, a dimple on his left side. Mikasa pushes them away, steering him (and the cute girl) onto the next room. They start walking while engaged on some easy conversation, not really noticing that Mikasa and Levi stayed behind. The small girl asks Eren something and he easily answers. He smiles once more. The cute dimple making another appearance.

“Thanks, by the way. Here.” It wasn’t doughnuts, but it was a bag with an extra-large chocolate cookie complete with smarties. “You should get out of the house more often. You’re starting to gain mould.”

“Eww. I get out often. I don’t need you bugging me” He takes the bag of her hand and eyed its content. Deciding if he should indulge on his treat at this moment or wait for a while until he is with the peace and quiet of his own thoughts. He closes the bag. He isn’t that desperate. “So, now that you don’t need me anymore I’ll be going. If you need anything else, don’t call me.”

“I totally did you a favour. You needed the fresh air” She smirks and winks. He glares at her and turns way. Without looking back he flips her off while walking way. “Bye short stuff”

“Bye bitch-face.” He starts for the door, discarding his empty cup on a random table. When he is on the corridor he looks to the side.

When he was looking for Mikasa he had seen this room, it is packed with hangers filled to the brim with various clothing items. On the side it has a few high chairs that were empty when he had looked moments ago. Eren is now sitting in one of them playing with his phone, a brunette girl hovering over him applying some kind of product on his face. Cute blonde is on the side trying on some clothes with the help of some guy.

He is about to walk away and go back to his books and thesis when Eren locks eyes with him. He waves, not really caring that he was making the girl’s work that much harder. When Levi doesn’t wave back, like he was (probably) waiting for, he walks over. The girl must have been used to her patrons to just randomly start walking, because without missing a beat she walks along with him. Applying more of that stuff to his face.

“Where are you going?” He huffs like Levi owns him some sort of excuse. Now that Eren was that much closer, he could see that the girl was applying some sort glitter on his neck and cheeks.

“Home” The one word response doesn’t put out his smile. Levi is starting to wonder if it was a permanent feature. Maybe he had to smile so much to sell so much crap that the smile had stuck there. And now, even if the brunet was upset there would be a smile there, much like the permanent glare he seemed to wear.

“Why?” Head lightly crooked to the side. “Stay.”

Levi looks to the side, not managing the weight of his gaze anymore “I have stuff to do” _‘I can’t do this.’_

“Can I see you again?” Levi eyes the girl and looks to the side once again. _‘Can’t you see I’m not good? That I’m not like them?’_ He knows of his many flaws, unlike what most people think. He knows he can’t express himself right. He is blunt and awkward at best on his interactions with other people. He is crap at comforting people and touching is still kind of a hit or miss thing with him.

He had, had multiple crushes on the past. He even tried dating. His flaws had always made things hard, but somehow manageable, when there was effort on both parties. The problem was that all relationships eventually reached that point and he couldn’t (and still can’t). It wasn’t like he hadn’t try it – he had. His first try was the most unromantic way possible. On a party with a random person that had thought he was hot enough to pull onto an empty room. He was drunk but had still managed to feel the hands on his skin leaving a greasy path. He reacted punching the guy on the nose and had ended with blood on his hands. In the morning he couldn’t even remember the person’s name. He had blamed is inability and slight overreaction on the alcohol once sober. 

The next time he blamed his preferences. That feeling like worms crawling under his skin made him push the girl off the bed. Girls weren’t his thing – they weren’t attractive to him. That was his excuse. On the third time he blamed his feelings – if he was in love it would be different he was sure of it. It wasn’t. So he stopped. He stopped putting himself in that sort of situation. It was just easier to not date at all than to have to deal with _that_.

Even now making a simple comparison with that girl, he could tell how inadequate he was. She or anyone else could give whatever Eren wanted. He couldn’t. He stops his train of thought. He didn’t need this right now. “I need to go home” He pulls his cardigan tighter to him and looks to his shoes. He tries to keep his expression under control and he knows he is failing, but at least if he keeps his head down he won’t notice anything.

“Okay. I get it.” He raises both hands in a sign of honesty. “But I- Look. I just don’t know a lot of people here and it would be great to hang out with some people out of from work, you’know?” He tightens his jaw and closes his eyes slowly. There’s a lump on his throat. He doesn’t get it, he still nods that he does. “Yeah, and you seem like a cool guy you’know?” He doesn’t know – he doesn’t want to know. He wants to leave. He nods once again that he does though. “So can we have dinner?”

His eyes that had been closed, snap open. He raises his head. He can’t really avoid the look of astonishment that settles all over his face. On the corner of his eye he sees that the brunette girl stopped doing her job as well, makeup brush comically inches away from Eren’s face. The girl squints at him trying to squeeze the bullshit out of Eren. Levi wishes he had half a brain to do the same, but he just stands there, frozen in place.

“My card. Call me.” He hands Levi a mint green card. When Levi doesn’t move to take it, he grabs the raven’s wrist and turns his palm up. Lightly places the card on it. He curls Levi’s fingers around the card and releases his wrist. His hand falls to his side, card in place.

The brunet turns and walks back to his chair, like nothing had ever happened. The girl follows him, but not without staring for a bit at Levi giving him a once over. She ends up shrugging and walking over to Eren to finish his makeup.  


  


[ENSG00000147571]

  


He’s sitting on the tube. The card is still on his hands. The left corner is a little crumpled from the way he worried it between his fingers for the last 10 minutes. He looks at it and sighs. _‘Why did you did that?’_ He can’t go through this one more time. He has done this before and it always goes the same. It’s the definition of insanity to do something multiple times and expect different results.

He would call him. He would answer the phone on the first few rings, uncertainty on his voice. Once he would hear Levi’s voice he would laugh and dismiss his uncertainties. He would talk. He would talk more than it would be necessary. They would arrange that dinner – as friends. It would be awkward at first. Filled with nervous laughter and small talk about the weather, for lack of something better to talk about. He would make it better though. Levi would eventually relax and be himself. They would joke around and laugh. Drink way too much wine.

They would leave the restaurant. Maybe walk around for a bit – to lighten their head from all the wine. On a dark corner Eren would pause. Levi would too, looking at him expectantly. He would pull Levi closer, closer. He would drown him in feelings. He would make him high, feeling like nothing else. Levi would want more, would want to pull him closer too. They would kiss and it would feel right. So right.

It would make him forget the other times and he would believe it too. He would believe that, those other times were just that, other times. That it was the wrong person, the wrong time, not enough feelings. That he wasn’t broken. He would be happy, everything would seem oh so perfect.

He would wait. They always did. Levi would have plenty of excuses. Eventually the excuses would run out or he might even feel like he was ready and it would be different. That he could push himself to do it this time. He would kiss him and every patch of his skin would feel like it was burning. Like it was too much - _and it was_. He would push and pull on his clothes, exposing his skin to the cold air. He would kiss his lips, neck, and then skin. Mouthing sweet nothings. He would say how perfect he was and how good everything was going.

It was a high and every high had its down. He would fall on the reality of the situation _hard_. The feeling of hands on his skin that had once felt so good were going to start to be too much. _‘Stop’_ Disgusting. He would feel claustrophobic. _‘I wanna stop’_ He was suffocating and he could feel the taint every time he would trace his skin. _‘Stop’_ Levi would push him off of him, while shaking his head. _‘Why are you stooping? Please, let me…’_ Like a wild animal he would try to tower Levi once more, and just keep going.

_‘STOP’_ He would scream and push him away breathing hard. He had learned not to punch them. The blood would only make him feel more disgusted. He would look at him like he was crazy. He would look at him in such a way. The look of complete lack of understanding. _‘Get out’_ he would say quietly, the loudest he could. He never could do it and this time it wouldn’t be different. It wasn’t the person, it weren’t their feelings, nor was it the time. It was just him.

The smile on his lips was bitter. “I can’t” He whispers to no one in particular. He almost misses his stop and hastily leaves the train on a haze. He hadn’t register anything from his trip. His body feels like steel - heavy, cold and empty. On a fit of rage he stomps to the closest bin, crumpled card on his hand. His hand overs over the bin. He breathes through his mouth slowly.

“…”

“…”

“…”

He stuffs the card on his pocket and leaves in the direction off his apartment.  


  


[ENSG00000147571]

  


His body was heavy, the right kind of heavy, now. The heavy you would get when you pushed your own limits and your body recoils from the exertion. He is sweaty and he needs a shower like no tomorrow. He walks to the kitchen looking for a glass, filling it to the brim with cold water. He downs it in two large gulps and looks over at his apartment studio. He peels his shirt and throws it on the basket near the washing machine.

He walks to what had caught his attention. The green card on the right corner of his white board above his desk. If someone would had guess through looks alone, they would say the card has gone through a lot. Left corner raised, and discoloured. Crumpled all around, followed by flatting it against the board with clear tape.

He slides his fingers through it feeling the rumples of it. He caresses the left corner once again. He closes his eyes, still feeling the card underneath his fingertips. _‘It would have been nice’_ He decides to ignore the part of his brain that screams _‘for a while’_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* Mikasa totally ships them….


	2. Serotonin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tea. Black tea, golden rooibos and caramel tea, green tea, and mango and green tea. Also the kettle comes [[x](http://tamiflu.co.vu/post/119392334593/you-know-you-need-to-sleep-when-the-kettle)]
> 
> “Serotonin is a monoamine neurotransmitter involved in the perception of resource availability. It has the ability to decrease or increase a person’s mood depending on its concentration. Being on its highest concentration when the environment surrounding the person is favourable. It is thought to be a contributor to feelings of well-being and happiness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the cliché “ ~~coffee~~ tea shop Au”. I’m a sucker for them.

The crumpled card is still taped to the white board. He hates it. It had only been a week and a few days since he had met him. The card had initially stayed in his pockets for three days before he had taken it out of its refuge and placed it on his desk. He then lost it for another four days under his papers and books. On the fifth day he had searched for it like a starving man, afraid he had lost it forever. When he found it, he ignored the part of his brain that had breathed a sigh of relieve. He taped it to the board and thought that would be it. He hadn’t expect it to be so addictive to look at it. He would found himself staring at it when he was at the computer writing or even when he was studying on his bed.

He has a little break for the summer on the lab work and on the courses he goes for his PhD. He still has to finish two different papers for two of his most recent courses both in imaging and he still had his other job, but like all other summers he had gone out to find a second job. It was the only way he could manage the rest of the year, was by living partially of his summer earnings.

He had started this new job, just a couple of days ago. His boss was an old friend of his family. The man had multiple businesses but for some reason he thought Levi would be great at the small tea shop he had near the river. He wasn’t great in customer service as one would expect but he was really great at doing the perfect tea. Tea was like his beloved chemistry. You had your reagents and with the right amount of energy you ended up with a solution. Only that in this case the solution was much sweeter than the ones he was used to (and also edible).

He liked the place, it was a small discrete tea place stuffed between an old residential building and a modern office one. The décor was homey, with comfortable sofas and low tables on half of the shop and high tables and chairs propped up against the large windows. Half of the shop was off-centred of the rest of the building allowing it to have a glass ceiling with large wooden beams to support it. Giving the room a warm glow even when the sky was grey or when it was raining. The walls were filled with bookcases that were in turn overfilled with books, magazines, and little trinkets.

The tea place was mostly used by the regular clients that knew of the tea shop for years and enjoyed the peace and quiet provided on such a chaotic city. Levi hadn’t personally visited as a client before, but he was certain that once his contract ended he would come back. If not for the excellent tea variety the shop provided, than certainly for the quiet and friendly environment the shop had. The patrons kept the room quiet. Using it to read a book or type at their computers while having a cup.

When he had some free time, mostly at lunch time before his shift started or in the middle of the afternoon on his break, he would sit on the half that had the glass ceiling and enjoy the warmth from the sunrays that swept through. He would spend his breaks there, normally accompanied by a cup of freshly brewed tea. Doing some writing or just scrolling aimlessly through the internet. He was currently enjoying one of his breaks when something caught his eye. A flash of grey on the corner of his eye was all he needed to get his head to snap in that direction.

A magazine with _his_ face on the cover. He ignored it and refocused on his work. He managed to end editing the results of the article he was co-writing. When he felt his eyes derail and focus on the magazine left behind by some patron. It was definitely his face, with a huge stupid grin on it. He stood up and looked at the room, noticing the lack of people on it. The shop was empty. He was the only one there, beside his colleague that was cleaning the back room for the day. They would soon leave and Levi would do the last shift until half past seven, when the shop closed. He picked it up and sat on his place once more, article long forgotten once he started flipping through the fashion magazine.

He didn’t recognize the magazine name, he didn’t expect it though. He quickly understood this issue was dedicated to the names in fashion that were currently on everyone’s tongue. They had various sections - photographers, fashion designers, brands, and models.

On the section dedicated to the models. The one Levi skipped to, immediately upon picking the magazine. There were photographers and designers talking about his and others work, but what really caught Levi’s attention were the last pages of the thick magazine. Where they had a profile of each model discussed during the issue. Levi gingerly turned the pages to the only one that really interested him.

  


‘Eren Jaeger; 25. Currently living in London [England]. Born in Wrexham [Wales].  
Son of the esteemed Carla Jaeger, fashion designer and owner of the clothing company Jaeger.

Eren lived in Wales only for a small part of his life. Having moved to New York [USA] with his mother after the divorce of his parents when he was only 10. About this time in Eren’s life, his mother – Carla, says how her son had a hard time getting used to his pears. Having a hard time making friends. His mother also says that she was convinced by her son to work for her company at 15, first as an assistant but then a photographer caught his potential. He starts modelling at 16 and works mostly for the Jaeger brand. At 17 he is scouted by an American modelling agency – ‘Titans’.  
From that point his career exploded, he was casted as the face of some major brands of clothing. Working across the USA at that time. When he introduced his agent – Armin Arlert, a long-time friend, as the person making decisions about his career, people feared for the state of his career due to his agent inexperience on the business. His agent didn’t fail and managed a two yearlong contract with ‘Shina’ – a super brand in South Korea. He lived mostly there only doing occasional jobs in other in South East and East Asian countries.  
The model says that the jobs he enjoys doing the most are ‘fashion weeks’. In accordance to this statement the model can proudly claim his several appearances in Fashion week New York, France, and London. More recently he worked for majors’ designers Hanji Zӧe [Germany] and Erwin Smith [UK].  
After fashion week in Italy’14, where he made his debut, a heated exchange between American company ‘Titans’ and French company ‘Sina’ started. The American company wished to maintain the contract they were holding for 7 years and French company wished to acquire the model to their books, which already had several top models [most of them referred on this issue; see pp190, pp200-205].  
‘Titans’ revised their contract multiple times while trying to maintain their model, but the counter propositions were alluring. In the end the model signed his contract with the English company ‘Wings’, surprising everyone involved.  
On an exclusive interview with his agent. He revealed that the model had wanted to work for this company since he was a child and that was the sole reason behind his decision.  
Now, Eren mostly works under British companies and designers. With the exception of designer Hanji Zӧe who claims that Eren it’s her muse and therefor he will work for her as long as she is still producing new stuff.  
This change in agencies proportionated his recent move to London where Eren claims to be…’

  


“Always nice to meet a fan.” Levi drops the magazine onto his lap, letting it slide between his fingers when he hears that unmistakable voice. He turns his head and there he is the guy that had been on his head more than it was heathy. Especially considering they had talked for a total of 5 minutes when they met. Those grey eyes are looking at him expectantly.

“I’m not” He eventually says. He picks the magazine and places it on the table near his computer. He closes his computer without even saving things first and shoves everything onto his bag. “Got to work” he mumbles not sure of whom he’s addressing. He doesn’t need to look over his shoulder to know that Eren is looking at him, and worse he is following him. He has the decency to wait once Levi goes to the back room to drop his stuff and get his apron of the shelve that has every employee’s issued apron. He waves at the girl that just finished her shift.

Once he is at the front of the shop. Eren is still there playing with the plant on the side of the register. Levi sighs and braces himself. “What can I get you?”

“What do you recommend? Everything sounds so nice” He is now looking aimlessly at the board above his head, a thoughtful look on his face.

“The black tea” Levi declares patiently.

“Really? Sounds so bland.” He whines. Levi drops is shoulders mentally asking _‘really?’_ “I’ll have the golden rooibos and caramel tea. I’ll also have that cinnamon roll, please” Levi prepares his order, managing to only roll his eyes twice, and rings him up. When he is about to take Eren’s card of his hand, when the brunet retracts the card back. “Make something for yourself as well, I’ll pay.”

“I have free drinks and I’m working” Levi extends his hand silently asking for the card back. Eren visibly pouts but gives his card in the end. He takes his things to the sofa closest to the windows. He lets his tea cool on the table while he nibbles on his cake. Levi gets the book that he had placed near the register and starts reading it. He occasionally looks up to see Eren. He stays there cup cradled between his fingers and just looks at the scenery. On what Eren is focused Levi can’t be certain. It had started raining again, maybe he is just waiting for it to stop.

“It doesn’t look like you are working that hard” He eventually says. Levi ducks his head. He hadn’t expect Eren to have noticed his surreptitious looks. “Have a drink with me” He turns is head and immediately rests it on the sofa. “Please” he whispers.

Levi ignores his look and grabs a cloth he goes to clean the already cleaned tables. He was the one who cleaned them before his break and no one was no one there afterwards. There is no reason for him to clean, no reason besides his need to not focus on stupid thoughts. “The shop closes at half past seven” He says loud enough for Eren to hear on the other side of the shop.

“I know” he yells back. Levi sighs and finishes cleaning. Once he is done the shop has been so quiet that he assumes Eren had left in the meantime. He didn’t though. He is still there only now he has a magazine on his hands. The one he was reading before. _‘How many issues are just lying around here?’_

“It’s a quarter past seven” He announces, a broom on his hand. He starts sweeping the half of the shop Eren currently is in. “Also, isn’t a bit presumptuous to be reading about yourself?”

“I’m waiting for you. I know, but look at this douche” Eren turns the magazine to show him a picture of another model. Levi unconsciously approaches him, sweeping closer to where he is seated.

“Don’t. Your rival?” Amusement laced on his tone. From the quick glace he had given the photo the guy had looked like any other guy on that magazine – besides the one that had caught his attention.

“I want to.” Eren huffs. “He wishes. No but seriously look at him” Eren turns on the chair, tea long forgotten on the table and pushes the magazine more on his direction. Levi takes another look over his shoulder.

“He looks like you” The guy doesn’t look like him at all. The guy is pale, blond and probably taller than Eren. “Put him on a brown wig, and that’s you” Eren turns and sits on the sofa again. Eyes glued to the photo, shock evident on his face.

“He does not. Take that back.” He is still focused on the magazine, so he doesn’t see Levi approach him and rest his elbows on the back of the sofa.

“If you’re done with your tea, leave. I have no time to talk about your ex-boyfriend” Levi smiles at the way he slightly jumps on his chair at the closeness of his voice.

He turns, smirk in place and mirth in his eyes “Does that mean you have time to talk about other stuff?”

Levi lightly hits him with the back of the broom “No, leave” He eventually leaves, but not without bothering Levi from another 10 minutes.

  


[C10H12N2O]

  


During two whole weeks. Two whole weeks of the same routine. It’s the end of the third week and it’s the same thing – 

He packs his stuff to head off to work. Catches the tube and walks for a bit until he reaches the tea shop ‘Rose’s Tea’. He sets his things on the quiet room. He eats his sandwich while editing an article or reading. When the clock on his right side of the screen marks the half past one he packs his stuff and starts his shift. He works until past four where he excuses himself to rest for a bit. Some days he doesn’t even have the time to set-up his laptop again before the brunet appears. Others he relaxes for a bit before he shows up. But on all days Eren stays up until closing time.

– There is always ‘Eren’ at the end of the day.

It’s Thursday of the third week and it’s only after he had checked his watch four times in the last fifteen minutes that he notices what he is doing. This time he hadn’t come. His break had come and gone, it was now nearing the six o’clock. He stuffs his phone again on his pocket and scowls. _‘Fuck’_ He finishes preparing the tea for a costumer. When the timer chimes in he removes the leaves of the tea and he slides it over to the guy in the suit that had asked for it. He puts the kettle to boil once more and sets everything up to make himself a cup as well. Green tea this time. He picks the box with the leaves and takes one spoonful onto the infuser.

“Make one for me too” Without missing a beat, he grabs another infuser from the drawer and adds a spoonful. He ignores how his heart stops for a second when he had heard that so familiar voice by now. He looks up at the shelves trying to find what he is looking for. He spots it – on the highest shelf. He frowns and drags the stool on the side with his foot. He steps on it and hears a snort. He ignores it. He takes the can and adds half a spoonful the second infuser. “Oi, why didn’t you add that to yours? Please don’t put rat poison or something like that on mine” He grabs two mugs of the rack and settles them down near the kettle.

“I didn’t. I really don’t want to go to prison” He’s glad he has his back to Eren. That way the taller guy can’t see the smile that creeps up his lips. The kettle reaches the boiling point. The raven takes it out of its base and waits until the water has set down. He pours it on the mugs and adds an infuser to each one. Half a tea spoon of sugar onto Eren’s just because he knows how much of a sweet tooth the guy is.

“Is that the only thing that’s stopping you?” _‘No, there’s also the fact that I enjoy talking to you’_ – but Levi will never say that. He hardy can admit it to himself as it is. It’s just hard not to believe when he has so much proof from his behaviour from the previous weeks. His shoulders sag and he turns one mug on each hand.

“Who knows…?” He looks around the room. There’s only one girl in the tea shop. She has been in her table for a while. She has drank two mugs by now and is pretty enthralled with the book she is reading. Not really paying any attention to her surroundings for a while now. He walks over to one of the sofas and sets their stuff on the adjacent table. He then walks to the backroom to grab his stuff.

When he is back Eren is on the side of the sofa closest to the window, playing with the infuser. He is hunch over his tea, swirling the infuser with his middle finger. “You can take them off now” He does as he requested, disposing of them on the plate on the centre of the table.

He twirls his mug and takes a whiff. “Mango and green tea? Really?” Despite his words he smiles while lowering his head onto the tea again to smell it again.

He shrugs and takes his seat. “It’s weird enough that you would like it” 

“Well…” He smiles again this time looking over at Levi. “If it tastes half as good as it smells than you aren’t wrong” He blows on his tea to cool it and takes and experimental sip, which by the look on his face was too soon. The raven takes a book of his bag and resumes his reading where he had left off.

They stay silent for most of the time, only the flip of the pages making a sound on the room. The girl had gathered her stuff some time ago and left. He surreptitiously takes a look at the brunet every once in a while. He can’t help it. He is just there, noting to distract him. Levi would never assume he could stay for such long periods of time just there. Body relaxed on the sofa sipping his tea on occasion. Leaning more and more onto Levi’s side. Levi doesn’t really mind. Even if he knows that the brunet isn’t even aware that he is doing it. He is now staring at the window. He mostly stares at the window when they are like this. Only occasionally does he keeps his focus on some random spot on the wall and there is also the times where he nods off, like he is starting to do now.

His head starts to dip now and he can see the effort the brunet is making to not fall asleep. In the end he does fall asleep. His head resting on the back of the sofa, hand curled around his mug. Eren’s lips start to move and he mumbles some soundless words. He frowns and mumbles a bit more, never loud enough for Levi actually hear what he is saying. The raven smiles despite himself. It’s stupid. He is being stupid. _‘Why do I feel so content with just being here?’_ He sinks further onto the couch. He casually sees how their shoulders are almost touching _‘It’s nice to be in the quiet just me…’_ He looks over at the brunet. Book long forgotten, resting on his lap. _‘…with Eren nodding off on my side.’_

He leans more onto the middle of the sofa. Closer to Eren. He has long lashes and fine lines on his eyes from always crinkling them when he smiles. He smells of a nice perfume, probably an expensive one. Like all of his clothes. Although he had met Eren in a suit. He didn’t expected the brunet to wear nice, coordinated clothes on a daily basis. He had took him for a t-shirt and jeans kind of guy. He had assumed his ‘look’ was just a fabricated thing to sell more stuff. In reality Eren dresses as nice as he does on his ads. Today he is wearing a sheer jumper with a tight tank top underneath, a long necklace with three pendants, and tight black jeans. 

He doesn’t noticed when he had raised one of his hands or when he had curled on his side facing Eren. He realizes it when he feels his breath on his palm. It is so close to the brunet’s face that he can almost feel the heat of his skin. He unconsciously leans in further. He is so close. What if’s swim on his head and he as half a mind to push them away. To just… He looks at his hand and how close he is. He frowns and tenses his jaw. He pushes himself upright like he had been burned. His hand drops to his lap and he turns his head to the side. He drops his book on his bag and walks way, taking his stuff with him. He hides behind the counter, knees pushed onto his chest. His head drops onto his knees and he breaths. _‘Why?’_ He looks upwards, head hitting the counter. He digs his hand onto his eye and drags it down his face. _‘I’m a masochist, aren’t I? I can only be to be doing this to myself.’_ He takes another few deep breaths and stands. _‘I just need to take my distance, and I should be fine. Right?’_ He decides to focus on cleaning for now. The counter really needs it.

Of course Eren hadn’t even noticed him moving away and when he wakes up moments later, he starts by stretching while looking around. His shirt goes up with his movements showing just a stripe of flesh. Levi uses that moment to focus on scrubbing the counter harder. _‘I can’t.’_ He scrubs harder. There is this spot that is not going away and is getting on his nerves. _‘I’m so stupid.’_ He grabs the cleaning bottle once more and dumps more of the stuff one the counter. _‘Don’t do this Levi. Please. You know what happens.’_ He scrubs harder and harder. The stain is still there, mocking him. _‘I…’_ There’s a hand on his wrist halting his movements. He stops breathing. He wants to pull his hand off, he doesn’t. He glares at Eren. What the other sees on his expression makes him remove his hand.

“I’m sorry” He averts his gaze and Levi realizes that he hadn’t meant to do what he had done. Maybe he hadn’t even realized Levi was struggling so much with his thoughts and had just assumed Levi was being fussy with cleaning again. He now looks like a kicked puppy. He worries his lip between his teeth. “I’m sorry” He breaths. He turns away quickly heading for the door.

Levi half lies on the counter, reaching for Eren’s back. He manages to just grab his jumper that slides from his fingers once Eren steps forward once more. He stops and turns. Uncertainty all over Eren’s expression, one hand clutching his arm across his body. “I…” He needs to say something. He just doesn’t know what. “You don’t need to say sorry.” He stops to gather his thoughts body sliding back to a more normal, standing, position. “I- I was just surprised” What a bad lie that was and he can see on Eren’s face that he doesn’t believe it either. His lips pulled tight for a second and then he relaxes and smiles. Although strained.

“Yeah, sorry about scaring you” He pulls his lips tight onto one side of his mouth for a second. “I was just going to say that there aren’t any spots there” He meets his eyes again, they are crinkling in the corners “You are gonna make a dent on the counter if you keep going”

He looks at his hands still clasped on the cloth. He moves them and sees. _‘There isn’t a spot there’_ He looks at Eren and he doesn’t want to but he feels the corners of his mouth going down for a second before he catches himself. He goes back to a neutral expression. _‘If only there wasn’t a spot on me as well’_.

“Hey. Let’s eat ice cream together.”

Levi rolls his eyes. Ever eager. Why did they always end up having this conversation? On all the days Eren had stayed until closing time he had always asked him for something: dinner, movies, a walk in the park, whatever he remembered. He turns to dump the cloth on the hamper. His stupid heart rejoices every time he asks though. Like a traitor, _‘bastard’_. Eren must have some kind of super senses and knows it too. Otherwise why would he keep asking if his answer was never something different from _‘no’_? His heart is hammering on his chest. So much that it hurts.

“I don’t like ice-cream” He tries to hide the amusement on his voice, but he knows he fails when Eren gasps.

“Are you enjoying this?” He turns to say ‘no’ but then Eren is right there. He isn’t sure if he had jumped up the counter or had gone the other way. But he is there, so close to him. Making himself smaller to look Levi in the eyes. “You are” His words are whispered, but sound so loud on his ears. “Levi… That’s not very nice of you. To lie to me like this. I’m hurt” He pouts and contradicting his words entirely, he smiles. There’s a hand on his chin tilting his head so Eren can get back on his full height and look him in the eyes “Be honest, please”. He releases him and Levi immediately lowers is head.

He huffs and mutters “Okay”

“What? What was that? Did Levi just agreed?” He is grinning so much it is kind of contagious. He hides it by straightening the tea boxes on the shelf.

“Don’t make me regret it” He goes to the back room to get his stuff. He closes the shop. When they are at the front of the shop Levi just looks at Eren like he had the answers of _‘What now?’_ Apparently Eren is as clueless as him and they now realise that it’s kind of late. The shops are all closed by now. Except for the 24h express stores. Levi says no, but they do end up in one of them. Eren dragging Levi through the aisles. He has a basket on his arm and is putting the most random things on it. Two Haribo bags, a nice big tub of Häagen-Dazs, some plastic spoons from the party section. “Do you drink?” He suddenly stops and Levi goes straight onto his back. “Levi how old are you?” The words are said slowly, eerie almost.

“Twenty-one? W-” He stops. “Were you just checking if I was ‘legal’?” Eren ducks his head and that is answer enough.

“Is just that you look really young?” He keeps not meeting Levi’s eyes and there’s a blush on his face. “You probably get carded every time…” He mutters. Levi ignores him and grabs the first thing he sees of the alcohol section. He now sees its two packs of fruity cider. That’s not going to make him get carded, an eighteen year old can buy that shit. He goes to the till and the waits to be ringed up. It’s an elderly man that rings him. He rings the first pack, looks at him. He eyes him suspiciously for a second to long. Then grabs the second pack rings him and looks at him once again. Levi can feel the question that hangs on the man’s face. _‘Don’t you fucking dare.’_

He didn’t get carded but Eren had laughed all the way to the Jubilee Gardens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you laughed at Levi. Fuck you. That happened to me. ಠ╭╮ಠ


	3. Epinephrine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They eat and get slightly drunk, and by slightly drunk I mean really drunk. They also go on a jog, and by jog I mean they are running away from Armin.
> 
> Epinephrine also known as adrenaline is a hormone and a neurotransmitter. It is more known by its use in medicine, especially in severe emergency situations. The word adrenaline is used in common parlance to denote increased activation of the sympathetic system associated with the energy and excitement of the fight-or-flight response. The release of epinephrine is a response that occurs in reaction to stress, being the main factor fear. (e.g. Fear of being caught and or harmed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really self-indulgent. I mean I was trying to sleep and then remembered “what if?” and I wrote the whole thing on my phone. Remember kids [[x](https://www.google.co.uk/maps/place/Jubilee+Gardens/@51.503772,-0.118338,2a,90y,90t/data=!3m5!1e2!3m3!1su82d1XqXaKAAAAQJOEXspg!2e0!3e3!4m2!3m1!1s0x0000000000000000:0x2ed43bbc432e41d4!6m1!1e1)]

"What now?” Levi looks down on Eren. He is sitting on the grass the shopping bags in front of him. He rummages through them until he founds what he is looking for. He looks up, bright smile plastered on his face, and the tub of ice-cream on his hand. He pats on the spot near him, urging the other to sit. “Hell no. I’m not gonna put my ass on the dirty grass. Dogs piss on it.”

He stands up takes his jumper off and places it on the ground. He sits near the jumper and pats the spot once again “There, now…” He grabs Levi’s wrist and pulls, unbalancing him making him almost topple over Eren. He manages to catch himself and more or less sit on his _‘spot’_. He glares at Eren for a while until there’s ice cream and a plastic spoon under his nose. He takes it and digs into it. Eren opens one of the ciders he had bought and takes it to his lips giving a large gulp.

He puts the tub between the two of them, while he lets the ice cream melt on his mouth. He looks up the sky and enjoys the light breeze. He still can’t believe he is sitting on Eren’s jumper and that he is just with the tightest tank top he is ever seen. He is probably getting stains on Eren’s jumper. The brunet doesn’t seem to mind or even notice that is going to happen. He digs his spoon on the ice cream and takes another bite. “Mine is the pink one” Eren says when he digs another spoon onto the tub and takes a mouthful for himself.

“Cider and ice cream aren’t we fancy?” He grabs a bottle to himself and opens it. At least in his haste to buy some alcohol he had chosen something that wasn’t awful. He kind of liked fruity ciders better than beer. At least these didn’t taste like piss.

"And gummies!” He grins and shows him the two bags he had bought. They eat the ice cream and drink mostly on silence. The park is mostly empty. The only people they see are walking across the park and none of them actually stays there. The sun is still high in the sky and they enjoy the warmth it provides. Levi forgets how many ciders he has had by now. His head feels fuzzy. He doesn’t remember when it was the last time he had actually drank, or even when it was the last time he just relaxed and enjoyed the afternoon like this. Eren is now talking about something. He doesn’t know what. He had spaced out sometime ago and when he had refocused on Eren’s voice again he realized he hadn’t heard a thing. He is smiling though so he does too. They finish the tub quicker than they probably should have. Eren is complaining of a brain freeze and Levi tells him he is only suffering because he was being a greedy fuck. He pouts and says that he didn’t had almost any ice cream and that the raven was hogging the whole thing. He disagrees. Eren shoves Levi onto the grass, he ungracefully falls onto the grass on the side. Thankfully he didn’t had a cider on his hands at the moment so the damage isn’t too bad. He can’t get up though. Eren laughs and helps him sit up again. The ravens shoves him back as revenge, Eren laughs and rolls onto his side facing Levi. He doesn’t bother siting up again.

They have been here for hours. The sun is almost down, the shy is streaked with oranges and reds. Against his better judgment he lies too, it is too much effort to keep upright. He is looking up the sky. It isn’t clear, it never is. There is several clouds of different shades of grey. It reminds him of Eren’s eyes. They are pretty – like the sky.

“Yours are too”

“Huh?”

“Your eyes” _‘Fuck, had I said that out loud?’_ He ears some rustling on his side and he knows the brunet is closer to his side. “They are like the sky too, but more like a clear sky – blue clear sky, pretty” There is a smile on the brunet’s face. His face feels like it is burning and he should be more worried that he had said that out loud. But he really can’t when his heart is beating so fast and Eren is so close. He coughs to hide his embarrassment and sits up. It’s probably too much blood on his head that is making him react like this. Eren sits up too. His hair is a mess and has pieces of grass on it. _‘I probably have them too'_. He wants to run his hand on the brunet’s hair to take them off. Eren is looking for something on the bags and Levi can’t figure what he can possibly be looking for since they have drank everything and the ice cream is long gone. _‘Oh. The bag of gummies’_. He opens it and shares it with him.

“So what do you do? Besides serving tea and cleaning?”

He feels that he should feel offended by the way Eren asks the question. “I’m doing my PhD in neuroscience and I write shit for other people, medical shit”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Nice.” He plops another gummy on his mouth and sucks on it for a while, pondering his words. “I was never good in school. I don’t even have a degree.”

“Are you going to say you dropped out of high school next?”

“Nope” He says with a pop of his lips. “Ma would kill me”

“Momma's boy”

“I am. It’s a tragedy” He is looking at Levi and grinning. “You should try it” He sways and almost falls on the grass again.

He stops. The smile on his face drops when he sees Levi’s face. “Maybe on some other life” He mumbles, there’s a knot on his throat even after all this years. He tries to smile but knows it is strained.

“Sorry. I just assumed. Sorry- I- shit.” He runs a hand through his hair making some pieces of grass fall.

“Don’t. It has been ages since she- I don’t even remember her voice anymore, and I know I would have forgotten her face if I didn’t had photos” He isn’t sure why he decided he wanted to share that with Eren. He knows he has made a good decision when Eren gives the tiniest of the smiles and thanks him in a whisper. He rummages on the gummy bag and takes a ‘ring’.

“Marry me, Levi. Let my mom be your ma.” Levi pushes him with his foot until he is lying on the ground again. “C’mon. She makes the best pies.” He has the arm on the air, pushing the ring on his direction. He looks at the hand for a couple of seconds and the reaches for it. Levi takes the ring and tries to put it on in one of his fingers. The only one he manages to put it all the way through on is on his pinkie finger and on the ring finger it only goes to his second phalange. He lets it stay on that finger anyway. He lies on his side and shows it to Eren. His heart definitely stops at the sight of Eren admiring his ‘ring’. _‘How can someone look so good with messy hair and grass on it? There’s even a stain of dirt on his cheek.’_ Eren grabs his hand to admire it better. He raises is other to brush Eren’s hair of the stray grass. Eren closes his eyes when he feels his hand on him. “Levi” he whispers softly on an exhale.

“Humm?” He feels his eyes closing too. He reckons he could fall asleep like this.

“I really like you” The world stops spinning for a second. His eyes snap open, Eren still has his closed but he is gawking on his lower lip. His eyebrows are bunched together. Levi knows that Eren is afraid to open is eyes and just look at what sort of expression he is making. His hand is still on his hair. He needs to say something and just about the moment Eren is peeking one eye open they hear a hiss. His hand falls from Eren’s hair when they both start to stand up and look around.

Then they are wet. It takes them a second too late to realise what was actually happening. The irrigation system had been turned on. They are getting more wet by the second but Eren is laughing. They hastily grab all their stuff and start running out of the grass. Levi as to go back to grab Eren’s jumper of the ground. They are soaked and have dirt stains on their clothes. Levi thinks he is thankful for it though. Even when he has to ride the tube back home smelling like a wet dog.

  


[C9H13NO3]

  


He is so fucking tired. He really shouldn’t have been out until that late. Actually it wasn’t how late he got home that had manage to do that much damage to him on one night. It was the fact that he couldn’t fall asleep. His head was cleared enough from the buzz of the alcohol when he got home and so his brain started to go through all the little details that had transpired that night. If his original plan was don’t get attached ( _‘cus you gonna get hurt’_ ) then he pretty much failed all around.

Eren hadn’t mention anything more after those four words. He just laughed about how wet they were and Levi did wondered, between the hours he couldn’t sleep, if Eren had actually meant what he had said. Or if it was just a slip of tongue, mainly due from the alcohol. He wondered about many things. About his feelings. Eren’s feelings. Their situation and last but not least, the tiny (that was actually massive) fact that all his relationships had gone to shit once his partners understood that he doesn’t have sex.

Once he had turned so much on his bed that the sheets were completely off of the end of the bed he had put on some trainers and some pants. He grabbed his phone and some headphones and had gone for a walk that had turned into a light jog in the park at four in the morning. Once he was home again he went for a quick shower. He was going to go back to bed, hoping that he had tired himself enough to just turn off his brain for a few hours. Next thing he knows his alarm clock is ringing. _‘Fuck’_ According to his clock he had managed about two hours of sleep, his brain said that he only had about ten minutes.

He wants to just stay in bed the rest of the day. That wasn’t going to happen no matter how much he wished for. Friday was one of the few days he had off on his part time at the tea shop. He hadn’t finished his papers and the due date was creeping in fast. An hour and half later he is dragging himself across public transportation to get to the university library. He dumps everything on a table and goes for some cheap coffee from the machines.

At half past twelve he wants food. Cheap fast food to be precise. He feels like a zombie, running on coffee instead of brains, but pretty much brain dead. On a day that he had managed at least five hours of sleep he believes he would have been able to not collide with the tall stranger that runs into him. Alas he only had two hours of sleep so he shocks with them and falls on his ass. He is about to shove the stranger off of him and curse at them for being a chunky carton of milk. When the stranger curses “Shit” _‘oh shit, indeed.’_ He knows that voice, he looks over at him. “Sorry. I-” The not-so-stranger removes himself from him and looks at Levi, blinking quickly like that is going to make him understand faster. “Levi! Oh Shit, let me help you. Are you hurt?”

“No. What the fuck though?”

“Humm. I” He looks over his shoulder. “No time to explain, really. We need to go” On the next second he is being dragged across the busy street and off the main road. They run side by side, Eren still clasping his hand. Eren suddenly turns right and enters a park. They keep going for a little more until the brunet slows down. Eren comically hides behind a tree, Levi just stands behind him more confused than ever.

“Did-- you k-killed someone?” His words broken between breaths, trying to get some oxygen back onto his lungs.

“Wha-” He turns. He has a light sheen of sweat covering his forehead and Levi wonders how long he had been running for before grabbing him. He is folded him half hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. “Would you help me hide the body if I did?”

“Would you pay me to keep my mouth shut?”

He laughs and let’s himself slide on the tree trunk until he is crouching. “Fair enough. But no. I’m sort of, maybe, diching my work? Probably?” He raises his shoulders. “I’m tired” His head hits the trunk with a soft thump. “Where were you off to?”

“Food” He shrugs and looks at Eren catching his breath for a few seconds. He stands then and walks over to a drinking fountain. He washes his face, drying it with the sweater around his waist.

“You look like shit” He says between mouthfuls of water, looking slightly over his shoulder to look at Levi.

“Thanks?” He knows he must have look like crap. Heavy bags under his eyes and his hair probably isn’t much better. He has a bad tendency to mess it up when he is concentrating on something and is stressed. Making it messier, falling off his usual clean and straight appearance.

“No, that means I’m worried.” He stops drinking and leans on the fountain. “I’ve seen you for three weeks now and each day you look more tired? You aren’t like, working yourself to death are you?” He bites on his bottom lip and raises one of his brows.

“I’ve got it under control. It’s the bed, it’s a piece of crap that doesn’t let me sleep.”

He raises both of his eyebrows in suspicion. “Yeah sure. C’mon food is on me. Real food not some crap. You need it for your studies or whatever you were doing to look like that” He follows Eren around until they reach an Italian place. They eat and easily fall onto the light banter they are used to by now. Somewhere along the away Levi realizes he has been asking more questions about Eren’s life. The other replies with such easiness that the raven only notices when Eren is telling him funny stories about living just about everywhere. They leave together or more like Eren follows Levi back to the library. Levi asks if this is alright, to be missing work like this. Eren laughs and says “Armin is used to it.”

“To you being a little shit?”

“Pretty much. Also I think he already includes on my schedule ‘running away from Armin’ so…” He stops speaking and grins when he remembers something. “I still miss being physically chased by him. But then he realized he could never out run me so now he just uses his brain to find me”

“That can be that hard” He huffs and dismisses him. Levi returns to finishing his papers once they enter the library. Eren picks up a book and reads. After a while he leaves, coming back after with coffee and sweets for them. They share the pack of biscuits in silence, hands meeting in the middle every other biscuit. Eren keeps receiving texts from Armin asking where he is and that he had gone to all the places he can remember and he still hasn’t found him and this isn’t funny EREN!!! Eren laughs hand over his mouth to contain his laugher while he shows the messages to him. He just replies with **‘I’m alright ttyt’**.

He finishes his coffee but he still feels his eyelids closing every once in a while. Also he is getting more and more distracted by the guy on his side. Not that he is doing much to 'distract' him per se. He is just there peacefully reading a book. On the other hand he is there and clearly not looking like someone that had been drinking in the middle of a park until past ten. Deciding to give up after he had wasted the last five minutes just staring at the brunet through the corners of his eyes. He pushes his laptop to the side and rests his head on the table, facing Eren. _‘At least I have a pretty view before I fall asleep’_. “I’m tired” He mumbles after a while, eyes sliding unconsciously closed.

“Okay, let’s go.” He pats Levi on the back while rising. He puts the book on the cart to get sorted by the librarians. He frowns when the best Levi had done is following him with his gaze. He goes back to table closes the raven’s laptop neatly packing it on his backpack. “If you don’t get up I will carry you”

“Fucking try it” He says with mirth on his voice.

  


[C9H13NO3]

  


Eren had tried and failed. He had shouted (which had earned him some looks) that for someone that small he was heavy as fuck. After that Levi had been dragged through the streets. Onto the tube, the ride isn’t that long and they leave on the upscale part of town. Eren drags him down the street for a few minute more. They stop near some new buildings with an old flare to it. Eren puts the code number on and motions for Levi to get in. They ride the elevator to the third and last floor.

Eren opens the door to his apartment. He doesn’t notice much, from how tired he feels, but he definitely catches the immensity of greenery on the apartment. In every window sill there are various vases each a different size and colour with all sorts of plants. They both walk in and get rid of their shoes at the door (a silent request from Eren). He just stands there trying to take everything in until the burnet grabs his hand and guides him onto his bedroom.

As soon as they get in Eren disappears onto the walk-in closet on the left side of the room. He looks over the room. The right wall of the room is covered from top to bottom by a glass pane, there is a white sheer curtain across the window. Giving the room some kind of privacy but still allowing the light to come in in a soft hue. The bed is massive, white duvet and white sheets, on the top there’s an impressive amount of pillows of all colours and shapes. There’s photos throughout the room and a television attached to the wall across the bed. A laptop on the bedside table and an Xbox over the dresser. _‘Clean. Not too much to it’_

Left alone in the room Levi walks to the bed and sits on the nearest corner. He feels himself slightly sink in onto the duvet. He drags his hand across the duvet feeling the softness of the feathers inside. He lets his upper body fall onto the bed, as soon as he feels the covers on his back he closes his eyes. _‘Comfy’_. He turns a quarter of the way and crawls to the top. Letting himself sink further, stuffing his face on the multiple of pillows there.

He hears the closet door click “Levi, no” Levi mumbles in response, not being able to give the other much more. The other laughs. He prods on his side. “You have outside clothes on. Worse, you even have your cardigan on. C’mon. Take it off”.

He doesn’t move. He doesn’t want to move. He feels this light touch on him urging him to raise his arm. He does it and the sleeve comes off his arm. More prodding this time to make him turn. He only hums and turns. The cardigan comes off once he raises the other arm. He hears some rustling on the end of the bed and then a dip on the other side of where he is lying. Then a light blanket gets draped over their forms. He peaks over at Eren, with the eye that is mostly hidden on the pillow. The brunet has his back turned over to him. Facing the outside of the bed, while he is facing the inside. Levi is on the centre of the bed and Eren is more to the right. There’s a gap between them he notices. Before he can tell what he has doing his hand is on the middle of them, right at the centre of the gap. “Don’t…” his hand travels through the space and reaches the brunet’s back.

He feels him tensing once he feels his touch, then his body relaxes. He turns. His body is now on the gap. His eyes are opened and focused on him. “Hey” his voice is raspy with sleep.

“Hey” Levi’s hand is still on Eren’s middle, from when he had turned. The other doesn’t seem to mind. He doesn’t move his hands onto Levi’s body though. Keeping them tucked in under his head and neck. Levi closes his one eye again. Sleep pulling it down. On his hazy mind, he starts to move his hand up. Going up, through his shoulder and reaching the back of his neck. He tangles his fingers onto the soft brown locks. He plays with it for a while, finding it so absolutely reassuring. At some point his hand stops and he falls asleep. 

  


[C9H13NO3]

  


He wakes up a bit later when he feels Eren’s knees against his own. His arm has fallen asleep on the very uncomfortable position. He can’t even believe he had left it like that when he had fallen asleep. He raises it and softly drops it on the brunet’s waist for a lack of positions where his arm wouldn’t hurt. He sighs in relive when his shoulder pops back in place with the new position. He is once again feeling his body fall back asleep when Eren’s hands are on him, and not only that but they are pulling him in onto his chest. For a couple of seconds he feels his anxiety rise on his chest. But then he hears it, the soft thump of Eren’s heart and the unmistakable smell that is so unique to him. His senses are overwhelmed with his smell and warmth. It calms him, makes his body feel like putty. He tucks his head onto his chin and then presses onto the brunet’s chest, right beneath his chin. He feels warm, safe and so, so comfortable. He lets himself sink into the easiness of the situation. For once not overanalysing or complicating it. He falls back asleep once again.  


  


[C9H13NO3]

  


He only wakes up again when the room is dark. The soft light that was illuminating the room previously gone. He is still safely tucked in under Eren’s chin and for once in his life, after facing himself in this sort of situation, he doesn’t want to move. So he doesn’t. He just lets himself enjoy for a while longer. He sighs and takes a long inhale of air.

“I know you’re awake” The words are muffled against his hair. Eren tightens his hold on him for a second and then releases the pressure. It’s only after the soft sigh that he realizes that he was stretching his body. “Did you sleep well?”

“Like a rock” The words are muffled beyond recognition so he repeats them after he turns his head up and onto the side. Avoiding Eren’s clothes and body. He feels Eren’s smile, more than he sees it. “You?”

“That’s good. Like I haven’t slept in ages. You only needed a nice bed so you could relax and actually rest.”

Levi turns onto Eren’s chest again purposely muffling his words “It-wasn’t-just-the-bed”

“What was that?” Levi doesn’t repeat too embarrassed by his outburst of honesty. He snuggles more onto Eren hiding is face from view. He feels himself grabbing Eren’s shirt with more force, avoiding being pried off. Not that the brunet was trying to do it. “That’s just not fair, Levi” and he swears he hears the words _‘being this cute’_ muffled against his hair.


	4. Acetylcholine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time skip. Eren and Levi go to the museum. Shitty drawings. What do you mean with “friends don’t sleep together in the same bed cuddled together”?
> 
> “Acetylcholine is an organic molecule that acts as a neurotransmitter in many organisms, including humans. Acetylcholine is one of many neurotransmitters in the autonomic nervous system (ANS). In cardiac tissue acetylcholine neurotransmission has an inhibitory effect, which lowers heart rate. However, acetylcholine also behaves as an excitatory neurotransmitter at neuromuscular junctions in skeletal muscle. It has an important role in the enhancement of sensory perceptions when we wake up and in sustaining attention.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really struggled with this one because where would I find fireflies for them to play with in the middle of London?? Anyway here’s wonderwall…
> 
> I may or may have not heard this song on repeat while writing 80% of this. [[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThxaAo1QFSw)]

On that day Eren had invited him to eat something there with him. He had stayed and eaten take out on his sofa while watching something that he can’t remember anymore. The brunet had offered a ride to his house, he had rejected. After some light banter they compromised by Eren taking him to the closest tube station. They walked, because the station was _that_ close. Once they were there Levi thanked him for the food (and the nap) to which Eren replied with anytime and walked away waving. Just like he had done the other day, or any day for that matter. In that respect he didn’t understood Eren. He looked so eager to be with him, but when the cliché moment of goodbye happened he would just go away like they were long-time friends. _‘Not that I want something more.’_ His heart would undoubtedly beat faster once he thought something along those lines. _‘Fuck. I’m in denial aren’t I?’_

He liked him.

He had admitted that to himself so far. He still knew that he shouldn’t pursuit a relationship with him and he wasn’t going to. Actually he was starting to think Eren didn’t want something with him as well. Not that he had become distant, the opposite he had stayed close, had become closer. Asking to go with him to all sorts of places, he just didn’t ever advanced romantically with him. Not that he wanted something. _‘Fuck. Stupid crush.’_ It had been a couple of months since they had met each other and they had sort of fell into a nice routine. Eren would still go to the tea shop (just not every single day) on the end of his shifts, sometimes they would go for a meal afterwards. When Eren felt that Levi was working himself to death (again) he would ‘kidnap’ him and force him into a night of movies and take out at his place. He still skipped work a lot and hid in the university library with Levi. Apparently Armin still hadn’t discovered where Eren would disappear to.Eren took great pleasure in that.

When they were alone together Eren would mindlessly touch him. Leaning onto his space and putting his head on his shoulder when they were sitting side by side. To catch his attention he would touch him on the shoulder or pull him by his wrist to the thing that he wanted to show him. He liked to walk close together, hands brushings by their side. On a busy streets he would grab his hand _‘just so I won’t lose you’_. He didn’t mind them, the touches, the little things, and they sort of make is puppy crush a little more bearable (and that more painful).  


  


[C7H16NO2+]

  


It is Sunday night and Eren had texted him. After an unsatisfying dinner he had curled up in bed with his laptop.

**Eren: Wanna go to the national history museum tomorrow? (It is bank holiday and you don’t work right?) :) Never been there before…**

His hands hover over the screen. He types a reply. Pauses and backspaces the whole message. He repeats the process over and over. He probably has typed fitty different messages by now. None of them feel right. _‘To eager’. ‘Now I just look bored’. ‘Too many smiles’. ‘Too formal’._ He gawks on his lip. _‘Fuck it’_.

**To Eren: No, I don’t work. Sure, sounds fun.**

He presses send quickly before he can backtrack and try to figure out another way of saying ‘yes’. He grabs the extra pillow on his side and drops onto his face. He groans. His phone vibrates by his side a couple of minutes later. It is Eren, he doesn’t even need to see it to know it.

**Eren: 15? At the door?**

**To Eren: Okay. Meet you near Darwin.**

He buries his phone on his pillow and let’s sleep come over him. He spends twenty minutes of rolling in the bed not being able to sleep. His heart is pounding on his chest and it hurts so beautifully. _‘I’m so fucked’_. Where is his anatomy book when he needs to fall asleep?  


  


[C7H16NO2+]

  


He is leaning on the handrail looking at the Darwin statue. Eren is late. He fiddles with his phone. There is an e-mail from his professor about the next course he is going attend. He ignores it. He turns to face the rest of the room and near the entrance, looking at the giant dinosaur at the door is Eren. He feels he should have expected this by now. He sighs and walks over.

“So dinos are your thing?” There’s is mirth on his voice and Eren jumps when he ears him.

He smiles and ducks his head, whispering ‘fuck’. “Well, not all of us can have fancy brain stuff”

“It’s kind of rude to let people waiting, you know.” He deadpans, but the fondness on his voice breaks all the bark that could have been to it.

“You looked so cute with him” He points in the direction of the statue with his head. He tries to contain his grin by biting his lip, it only makes it more prominent. “Where do you wanna start? This is massive isn’t it?” _‘It is’_ They start by dinosaurs wing. _‘Obviously’_. Eren takes the time to read every single little thing. He swears they probably stare at the t-rex that moves for a full five minutes before Levi gently pushes him to the next bit of the exhibition. He looks like a kid, no really, nine year olds have the same look of awe in their face. They also point and grab the person that is with them and say “Look, isn’t it great?” _‘You’re the only thing that’s “great” here’._

Next Eren wants to see the earthquake simulator and the geology part. They wonder by the jewel wing. Eventually they go to the animal section, going up and down the long corridors looking all the information provided. His feet are starting to hurt. He sits on one of the benches on the in insect section. Eren comes to him and sits near him. Two pieces of paper in his hand and two sets of pencils. “Here. Draw something you fancy in here” The pieces of paper and the sets of pencils came from a sort of contest held by the museum for the kids. There were boxes to deposit your drawing throughout the whole animal wing.

“I’m shit and you’re going to laugh”. Despite his words he grabs the pencils and the piece of paper. Eren dismisses with his hand and walks away. Leaving him to draw something _‘he fancies’_. Eren his gone of his eye sight probably to find something to draw on the dinosaurs section. He wonders for a bit and finds himself on a long corridor that has several paintings of different animals. He sets in front of a row of three and starts on the one that had picked his interest initially.

It is shit. His drawing is so shitty he believed a four year old would have done a better job. He had been _trying_ to copy the drawing he was seeing. Trying being the key word there. The drawing showed a beautiful blue and green scenery of a nightfall off a river. The only colour besides those two was the bright yellow of the multitude of fireflies flying over the river. Making the drawing seem like a start full night sky from afar, but once you were close enough you were surprised by the complexity of the drawing and the amount of detail the artist had poured into it. On the other hand his drawing looked like squiggly blue lines with some green on the side and a bunch of yellow dots. _‘Fuck, Eren is going to laugh so hard’_.

He was going to try a little harder, maybe add some more colour. There was probably no salvation. He feels a presence behind him. He looks over his shoulder and spots Eren. He is holding is drawing on one hand. He smiles and leans. Looking over his shoulder to see his drawing. He momentarily returns his attention to his drawing. There’s a chin resting on him. “Cute” He says between a smile. “What do you think of mine?” He drops his paper on top of his own.

He really wants to laugh. If he had thought he had the drawing skills of a five year old then Eren isn’t very far behind – maybe a ten year old. It’s a person that much he can tell. They are sitting on a chair, head lowered. Their face his covered behind their short bangs. Legs crossed at the ankles, a book resting on their legs. The only distinguishable features are their black hair and the cup on their hand. An awkward grip for most people, an easier way to grab his mugs and not burn his fingers for him. She also hold them like that. He had only noticed that it was the most common way of holding it once she was already gone and he had pointed it out for him. There’s a hand on his face, his hand – He can’t really tell when he had placed it there. He covers half of his face in shock. There’s a silent scream on the back of his throat. He is between punching and wanting to hug Eren, because that’s him. _‘Right?’_

“I-It’s very pretty” There’s a smile creeping up his lips he tries to push it down.

“Don’t laugh at me”

“I’m not, I’m really not.” He can’t stop staring at it there’s a part of him that keeps saying he’s only making assumptions and that it doesn’t mean anything. It probably won’t mean anything. “Why d-did you…” He lets the words hang in the air, too self-conscious about it to actually finish it.

“You’re the prettiest thing in the museum” _‘He can’t just… Fuck’_. His face feels so warm and he just wants to get a hole and hide there until he is a functioning human again. Eren hugs him from behind. He places a hand over his hands and pulls them tighter. He whispers his thanks and he isn’t even sure if Eren had heard them until he says don’t worry about it in the tiniest voice. He wants to keep it. Eren doesn’t say anything when he simply places their folded drawings on his pocket instead of the boxes. They are hungry, they roam aimlessly trying to find something that isn’t shitty or totally overpriced. 

When Levi notices they are at Eren’s doorstep. He now wonders how 'aimlessly' they were actually going. He still follows Eren. They cook together, easily diving the chores and effectively making dinner together. At some point Eren places his phone onto his sound system and lets the phone go through his playlist. Eren mumbles the songs and sways his hips while he is working and Levi isn’t totally checking him out. He definitely isn’t smiling either. When the dinner is on the oven Eren opens a beer to himself and offers a cider to Levi. He sits on the counter and Eren sticks to siting on the floor in front of him. “I’m going to the states in a couple”

Eren stops mid sip, eyes wide open. He doesn’t say anything but his expression speaks for itself. _‘Why? Where are you going? How long?’_. He swallows hard and avoids his eyes, probably not wanting Levi to see the questions swimming in his eyes. _‘Too late’_ “I’m going for a course there in imaging, three weeks.” He sees Eren’s shoulders relax and lowers his head further.

“That’s good” That’s all he says. His tone contradicting his words. He finishes his beer in large gulps and stands up. “I’m going to the loo” He announces in low tone as he is exiting the room. ‘Shit’ Levi isn’t sure what he wanted from that, but it really wasn’t that. He finishes his bottle too. He disposes of it on the bin and grabs another from the fridge. He is on the middle of his second one when Eren appears again. The sour look is gone, his movements are still jerky. He checks on the food.

“I’ll be back soon”

“What?” He looks over confusion written all over his features, hand still on the oven handle.

“I’ll be back soon and then you can get back to annoy me every single day again” There’s a teasing tone in his voice and he knows he said the right thing when Eren cracks a smile brighter than fluorescent lights.

“Oh! So you like it” He bites his lips, eyes crinkling. _‘Fuck. He is so fucked’_. Eren does tease him all through dinner and they definitely have way too much alcohol available on this house. They slump on the couch after dinner, each with a bottle on their hands. The dishes get forgotten on the table. Eren leans onto his space head dropping on his shoulder. He lets the arm that had been resting on the top of the couch move until he has a hand on top of the brunet’s head. He takes another swig of his bottle. He should stop, he had had enough for the night. He doesn’t. He leans more onto Eren. The other straightens himself and places his chin on his shoulder. _‘His face is so close’_. He lets his head hit the back of the sofa as looks at the starts on the ceiling. Eren has plastic glowing starts on his living room ceiling. He smiles at the memory when he discovered them.

Eren’s phone is still on shuffle on the living room. The music the only thing to break the silence between them – a new song is starting. Slow beat, bass setting up the pace like a heartbeat. Even before the first line is said he can feel Eren fidget and the beginnings of laughter on in chest. Eren snorts on the first line, and hides his face on his shoulder. Body turning and facing the back of the couch. “Oh god” He ears the burnet whisper to himself. He still mouths the words, despite his embarrassment. He can’t make the words from Eren’s whispers, too rushed and stick together.

He closes his eyes and feels himself puling Eren more onto himself with the arm that wasn’t tangled in his hair. His head lolls to the side and he opens his eyes. Eren has his eyes closed, and that’s definitely a bush dusting his cheeks though. He looks at his lips mouthing the words. His lips look so soft. He stares at Eren for more time than he initially wanted. The song eventually changes. Eren opens his eyes. He speaks to him, he can only tell because he sees his lips move. He can’t make the words, to absorb by the way his lips move when he talks. He snaps his eyes back to Eren’s face and the brunet repeats himself. “I’m not going to kiss you” He whispers

He catches himself before he looks again at his lips again. Eyes focused onto the brunet’s face once the words register on his brain. “What?” 

“If you want to. Do it. Your. Self.” The words are said slowly and he feels a shiver running up his spine. He sees the grin plastered on his face after the last word is said. He feels his face growing hotter and before Eren can notice anything he takes action. Hands on the brunet’s chest and he pushes him - hard. Until the other is slipping from the couch and onto the floor.

A satisfying thump later and he mutters _‘Ass’_ under his breath. Eren is on the floor, a leg still propped up and he might have missed his words if he wasn’t still that self-aware. “I’ll miss you” The words are whispered in a puff of air. His chest feels tight and his so glad Eren can’t see his face, he’s sure it is even worse than before now.

The air isn’t going into his lungs. His throat feels dry. “Its three weeks” He can’t recognise his own voice, there’s something there he can’t actually name. His lips press tight.

“Still…” He doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t move as well, body splattered on the floor. After a while Levi nudges him with his foot and peeks to see him – just to check if his still alive. He grabs his foot by the ankle on the first nudge and uses it as a way to push himself upright. He rests his arms on Levi’s knees and then his head on his arms. He looks over and closes his eyes. He bites his bottom lip, he opens his mouth and then closes it suddenly – clearly biting his tongue on what he was about to say. The raven rests his hand on Eren’s hair. He doesn’t miss the way the brunet sighs and a smiles. “Let’s go to bed”

“Yeah”  


  


[C7H16NO2+]

  


They are in Eren’s bed. They were supposed to sleep. They don’t. As soon as they had lied Levi seeks Eren’s warmth like it was a second nature. He envelops his arms in his form. His shirt had riled up leaving his back uncovered, when he had moved. Eren rests his hand there, on the curve of his back. He can feel the warmth of his palm swiping through his skin. He either looks in front or stuffs his face on Levi’s hair depending if he is talking to him or not. Eren had turned the telly on some time ago. The volume is set on low. Levi can’t really understand anything from how low it is. It still breaks the silence between them – it is supposed to help them fall asleep. 

The hand on the raven’s back starts to move in tiny circles, so lightly that could start causing shivers up his spine even if the tiniest pressure is altered. Enough to feel, but not really. The brunet pauses, palm resting on his lower back once again. For a moment he thinks Eren has fallen asleep. Until once again his hand starts to move lightly over his skin. This time instead of little circles he drags is finger up until he reaches the beginnings of his ribs. He keeps drawing mindless patterns across his back and side. Somehow instead of feeling the panic rising in his chest he feels more and more relaxed. Then again is not like he feels any sexual tension from his touches.

He decides he likes them – the touches.

He likes this – the cuddles.

He likes Eren.

If only he could keep things between them like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ～『✧~*NON SEXUAL CUDDLES*~✧』 Those cuddles + light touches that Eren does to Levi were the best cuddles ever I received. I’m so into that…. Or maybe it’s just me *goes back to the trashcan where I came from*
> 
> Wanna know why Eren was laughing? [[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4NGoS330HE)]


	5. Histamine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi isn’t doing great. He goes to his imaging course in the USA.
> 
> “Histamine is an organic nitrogenous compound involved in local immune responses as well as regulating physiological function in the gut and acting as a neurotransmitter. Histamine neurons increase wakefulness and prevent sleep. Histaminergic neurons have a wakefulness-related firing pattern. They fire rapidly during waking, fire more slowly during periods of relaxation/tiredness and completely stop firing during REM and NREM (non-REM) sleep. The histamine also works on the immune system as a protector for aggression against the body.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrives late and with Starbucks. 'Sup?' - Sorry work really kicked me in the crotch and I couldn't finish on time. So this is going to end later than the 07/Jun.
> 
> If it wasn’t clear on the summary of the story I changed the prompt to “Myth” as in a belief or set of beliefs, often unproven or false, that have accrued around a person, phenomenon, or institution. Cheers.

He wakes up alone on a bed that should be more unfamiliar than it is by now. There’s only a thin sheet covering him. It’s cold. The warmth that he had felt last night long gone. He can clearly see the greying sky outside. There’s a pounding on his head, slow and torturous, and he is thirsty. There’s a glass of water with a piece of paper underneath. He ignores the piece of paper in favour of relieving his drying throat. While he is gulping the water he garbs the paper and turns it around to see what is written on it. Messy handwriting aside the paper reads.

**‘Had to work. There’s cereal and milk on the kitchen (Sorry I don’t have much more… I really need to do some shopping) Ibuprophen in the top cabinet on the bathroom. xx’.**

He peels the covers off and goes for the bathroom takes the after mentioned pill. He washes his face with cold water and lightly pats some water on his hair, making the bits that were standing at awkward positions stay down. He dresses himself in yesterday clothes and only manages to grimace twice while doing it. He does make a bowl of cereal to himself. He eats it while watching television. It’s 10. He should go home change clothes and go to the tea shop. On the back of his mind there’s a looming black cloud. He ignores as much as he can and tries to eat peacefully.

Ignores it. Until he can’t ignore it anymore.

_‘This isn’t normal’_. He is eating breakfast at Eren’s house after having spent the night. On his bed. _‘God I’m putting himself in so much trouble’_. He couldn’t even think about what had happened the night before, without feeling his stomach contract and wanting to be sick. He needs air. He leaves the half eaten bowl on the coffee table. He goes to the balcony, but that doesn’t help. He leans on the wall, his legs feel wobbly and he feels himself sink onto the ground. He stays there crouched on the balcony leaning on the wall for a long time, afraid that if he moved he would throw up.

He calls in sick to work. It is his last week there, he can’t find it in himself to care.

He manages go get himself at home somehow. Takes a shower and crawls to bed. He is feeling so stupid and he had no one else to blame than himself. _‘It doesn’t work’_. A romantic relationship with him is destined to fail. So why? Why does he want it so much? He turns his phone off when it vibrates with a message a couple of hours later. It’s probably Eren and he can’t. He wants to forget it all.

He manages to fall asleep. When he wakes up again it’s the middle of the night. He hasn’t eaten a thing since the half eaten breakfast at Eren’s. Just the thought of food makes him sick. He focus all his energy into packing. He grabs the largest suitcase he has and dumps it on his bed. He starts taking the clothes he thinks he will need while away. After a couple of hours he has his bag packed and ready. He turns his phone back on. There’s three messages from Eren. The first one his light and casual the other two have concern laced in them. He doesn’t reply.

  


[C5H9N3]

  


It’s Saturday. It’s the last flight of the day to New York. He wasn’t talked to Eren since Monday. He knows this isn’t the way to do things. He doesn’t trust himself near Eren. When he is with him everything feels nice and simple – but it isn’t. _‘Fuck’_. He deletes the text he had started. He looks at the people at the airport – there’s still a lot of people waiting for their own flights. He presses his lips thin. He looks at his phone and writes a message. It’s awful – an excuse.

**‘Hey, yeah. I’m going this Saturday (today). Sorry I’ve really been busy.’**

Not even a full minute later he replies.

**‘Hope you don’t kill yourself with so much work. Have a nice flight. Please say something when you are there – just so I know you’re ok. X’**

He is a piece of shit.

  


[C5H9N3]

  


The first week he is stuck most of the time on a classroom. He learns a lot. It also drains all his energy. On the rest of the time he spends it on his accommodation room. He spends most of his free time on his laptop on the internet. He avoids talking to Eren as much as he can. He still somehow finds himself talking to him on skype every night. Their conversations are light. Eren asks him to tell him about his day and he is genuinely interested in it. Asking all sort of stuff. They send each other funny and silly things and watch YouTube videos together. Eren sometimes appears with the craziest makeup and clothes ever. He knows the brunet has been working on those days and despite the late time in Europe he still stays and talks to Levi for a really long time. When it’s time to hang up the brunet says he misses him a lot – he never answers it back always changing the conversation to something else. It’s just easier like that. He wants to say it too. He misses him so much too.

The second and third week are mostly spend on the teaching hospital MRI scanner. He scans the volunteers and looks through their scans. He records all sorts of information about their scans and works on his thesis a lot. He wonders how many kilometres he has done on the image review computer mouse wheel. Scrolling up and down the scans multiple times analysing their differences and working out his conclusions. He feels tired each night and his eyes burn from looking at the computer all day long with only short breaks during the day. He still heads for his laptop as soon as he got rid of his shoes at the room’s entrance. While the device turns up, he gets a quick shower. Eren eventually calls him. He always manages to make him feel better and less tired. The brunet praises him a lot for his accomplishments. It feels better that it probably should.

It’s his last night there and he is on the laptop again. Eren’s icon on skype says he is available. He opens and closes skype a few times, not really sure what to do anymore. Finally he decides that Eren deserves it. He deserves a proper explanation and no matter how much nice their friendship is Levi can’t do it anymore. He is being selfish and resorting to the whole ‘if I can’t date you we can’t talk anymore’ thing. But if he is honest with himself, if he keeps this friendship he will not be able to say no to his feelings. Things would only go downhill from there on, he know it. He needs a time apart to just forget him and then maybe in the future they can try again. Possibly not. Eren is going to be pretty mad. He won’t understand too. _‘Fuck. He really doesn’t want to do this’_.

Skype’s ringtone never sounded so eerie to him. He almost ends the call too. There’s still some part of him that believes Eren needs a proper explanation instead of him just disappearing of his life. He bites his bottom lip and presses his eyes together trying to keep calm.

“Hey!! Last night!” Eren has is laptop on his coffee table and is leaning on the bottom of the sofa, sitting on the floor. He has makeup again. A strong black line going over the top of his eyelids and dragging just a bit making his eyes look cat-like. He has bobby pins keeping his bangs off his face, he still has pretty messy hair. The white cropped t-shirt looks really nice. But then again he always does. _‘Shit’_.

“Hi” He looks down when the lines of worry start to appear on Eren’s face. His lips thin, pressed into a downcast line. _‘Shit’_

“Levi what’s wrong?” He can’t look at him.

“I’m sorry Eren. But I-” The words get stuck on his mouth and he feels like he can’t say them. “We can’t do this anymore”

“What? What do you mean?” His eyes get moist, he holds the tears back. He somehow manages to look at Eren. He now wishes he hadn’t. The confusion mixed with sadness on that perfect face is heart clenching. This really the worse thing he has done in his life.

“I mean- I mean that this” He raises his hands off his lap, they feel sweaty, and does a gesture between them. “Isn’t working for me. I’m sorry, if I- If I-” _‘Shit’_. The tears aren’t staying in his eyes anymore, rolling off his face and into the neck line of his shirt. They are so cold. He feels so cold. He can’t bear Eren’s look anymore. It his piercing his heart. Leaving splinters there and with each heartbeat he feels them move and tearing his heart more. It’s painful. He wants end the call. He needs to end the call. “I’m sorry if I… have given you hope of anything more. I’m sorry.” His trebling fingers move to the end call button. He notices that Eren his opening his mouth to speak. He is so selfish. He is the worse. _‘Eren you really don’t need someone like me. It’s for the better. It’s for- the…’_ He wants to say those words. He doesn’t. Instead he says. “Goodbye Eren”

The call ends and he slams the pc shut.

  


[C5H9N3]

  


He doesn’t sleep that night. He probably doesn’t deserve it. Sleep isn’t for awful people like him. Why the fuck can’t he just do it. It would be so much better if he just fucking endured it and stopped being such a… There’s a headache pounding on his head for the last four hours and even after a pill and coffee it is still there. He deserves it. The airport is noisy. There’s children screaming and the clattering of people talking lively. He feels out of place. He knows he looks awful, red and puffy eyes with bags under them. His hair was sticking up on one side this morning and he didn’t bother with it.

The flight is as awful as one would expect. He keeps it together though. When he sees his bed he doesn’t bother with anything else. Peels his clothes off and hides under the covers. _‘Why can’t I do it still?’_. He falls asleep with unanswered questions on his mind.

  


[C5H9N3]

  


He is grateful he has the Sunday to himself. He only leaves the house at two in the afternoon to go get some food and some alcohol. Scratch that loads of alcohol. He doesn’t care that the cashier his giving him a look. He somehow looks like he is pitying him. He probably thinks he has just been dumped. _‘Close, so close’_. He feels like it. It’s funny how he had said to himself to not date Eren because he would end up with a broken heart. He still did – even without dating him he still managed to fuck it up. With bags filled with dinner that he can just stuff in the oven and his body weight in alcohol he heads home.

He cracks up the first beer at three, as soon as he gets home. At four he feels much better. His brain has finally shut up. There aren’t any more questions on his brain. He is sluggish. He watches some telly and drinks some more. He gets hungry sometime afterwards. He drinks some more. He doesn’t remember when he had stopped drinking and had started to feel sleepy. He falls asleep on the couch.

Although he feels like trash in the morning he decides the pity party is over. Takes some pills, take a nice long shower. He works from his home. He has tons of work that have accumulated over the last three weeks. He doesn’t get paid if he doesn’t meet his deadlines so he starts to work on the articles he needs to write that have a shorter deadline. He tries to focus on work as much as he can, sometimes he can’t avoid looking up at his board and look at the crumpled card that now is accompanied by a gummy ring on a small plastic bag and two very shitty drawings. He probably should get rid of it. It is just reminding himself of his mistakes and his inabilities. 

He just needs to get back to his normal routine. He just needs to remember how it feels like to live without him. He also needs to stop thinking about him. He needs to forget him and move on. Mikasa texts him asking if he has arrived fine, he replies to her. He goes for a jog after lunch. He always feels better after working out. When he gets home he gets ready to leave again and takes everything he needs to work. He needs a change in location. He goes to the library to work. He always feels more productive there than at home. He is going to be fine – eventually. He just needs to forget how nice it is to have Eren around. Which is probably easier to say than doing, considering that he had never felt like this towards someone else.


	6. Norepinephrine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It rains, but then again when does it not in London? Even if the world, the sky and his eyes are grey it doesn’t mean things are.
> 
> “Norepinephrine (INN) is a catecholamine with multiple roles including those as a hormone and a neurotransmitter. It is the hormone and neurotransmitter most responsible for vigilant concentration in contrast to the chemically similar hormone, dopamine, which is most responsible for cognitive alertness. One of the most important functions of norepinephrine is its role as the neurotransmitter released from the sympathetic neurons to affect the heart. As a stress hormone, norepinephrine affects parts of the brain, such as the amygdala, where attention and responses are controlled. Norepinephrine also underlies the fight-or-flight response, along with epinephrine, directly increasing heart rate, triggering the release of glucose from energy stores, and increasing blood flow to skeletal muscle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the wait. The song that inspired me [[x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LwHBw0EXe8&spfreload=10)]. Thank god for chapter 70.

He has finally finished everything he has managed to accumulate over the three weeks. He was tired and ready to sleep for about twelve hours. As soon as he steps outside he feels the first drops of the rain. _‘Shit’_. He wonders if he can get home without getting absolutely drenched. _‘Keeping dreaming’_. He had forgotten his umbrella at home. If the heavy drops that he had felt just from going from the library to the tube entrance were any indication he was in for a treat.

He got off the station and looks up. _‘Yep’_. The rain had gotten stronger during his ride. Heavy rain was currently falling and the clouds didn’t look like they were giving the rain any rest soon. The streets were already drenched. Puddles forming on the sides of the road and on the dips of the sidewalk. People walked faster trying to not get wet. He could always run home, but he really didn’t feel like it. He walks home, slowly. _‘I’m tired’_. He feels the rain on his face, sliding down his neck and drenching his (really) light clothes, considering the weather. _‘At least the weather matches my feelings and I don’t have the sun mocking me’_. There was still a heavy stone on his heart, that made everything that much harder. He had said to himself that ‘pity party’ was over. He guesses his body hasn’t received the message. There’s a hole on his chest and he is the only one to blame for it.

He is looking down focused on his thoughts. Still trying to convince himself to just forget. His clothes are sticking to his body. _‘I need a warm shower and tea’_. He feels cold all around, then again the cold had been there before he had decided to go for a ‘public shower’. He reaches the steps to his house. Before he is at the entrance he searches his bag for his keys. Key on his hand he steps further to put the key on when he looks up. He stops. His keys fall to the ground. _'What?’_ He resists the urge to rub his eyes to just make sure that he isn’t hallucinating. But then again he feels like he should have seen this one coming from miles away.

On his doorstep, crouched with his head tucked on his knees is Eren. Mop of brown wet hair, with drops failing from them and onto the floor. He only has a t-shirt and some ripped jeans. Which makes him think, that like himself, the brunet had left the house when it was still nice outside. When the brunet hears the keys fall to the ground he looks up. His face is wet and even with the heavy rain falling there’s no mistaking the tracks left behind by heavy tears. Puffy eyes with a red rim to them. He reads on the brunet’s lips his name. His eyes wide more and a single tear, that could have been mistaken for a rain drop had he not been looking at the cloud like eyes, drops from them. He doesn’t stand or move. Levi doesn’t too.

“Why?” “Why?” They both ask the same thing and when they hear each other they stop and look at each other waiting for the other to start. Eren motions for Levi to start and stands up. Neither care about the rain, they are already soaked to the bone.

“Why are you here?” He wishes his voice had sounded harsher and definitive, instead it had sounded like a plea.

“Because I couldn’t let you go” He says it clearly and with determination. There’s a shine to his eyes. For some reason it makes him mad. _‘He is not understanding. He didn't understood’_

It’s not like he has said things with no margin for errors so if what he needs to do is say everything he will. Even if it sounds harsh and crude. Even if Eren deserves to be let go easily. “Stop. Just stop. Eren, thing’s aren-“

The brunet interrupts him. “I know things aren’t simple. I’m not a kid. I’ve seen more than what you think.” Eren licks is lips and passes a hand through his hair, heavy droplets of water flying in all directions. Levi presses is lips together. He is trying so hard not to scream the words that are lodged in the back of his throat. The words that he has never said out loud, not even when he is alone. “I just know that you are special to me…” He presses his hands to his chest, bushing his shirt. “...and I really wanna try to-”

“Special enough to deal with the fact that I will never want to have sex?”

His face drops, the hopeful and determined look gone. Levi breaths steadily trying to not break in front of him. This is what he needs – what he wanted. _‘Fuck, then why does it hurt so much?’_ “What?” He mutters the word in confusion. Like he couldn’t even make a single word from what Levi had just said.

“Yes, you heard it right. I don’t do sex. Ever. I’m-” His voice breaks and he feels so, so weak. “Fuck. I’m Asexual. So this…” He gestures between them. “Is never going to work--” He stops to breath, there’s no oxygen on his lungs. He can’t deal with Eren’s look of astonishment. He drops his gaze to his feet.

“I don’t care” Levi really wants the hope that grows on his heart when he hears those words to die. He scoffs. Trying to push down on that cloud like feeling, that pushes his spirits up. Eren keeps saying pretty words. He doesn’t want to hear them – He doesn’t want to hear them when they will hurt him later. “I don’t, Levi. I’m not really trying to say some pretty words to try and convince you that I’m fine and just bug the fuck out of you later” Eren’s hand grabs his own. He pulls on it, trying to catch his attention. “Levi…” He looks up when he hears his name whispered with a sweetness he had never heard before.

“I don’t. I really, really don’t.” The brunet’s fingers brush over his knuckles tenderly. He feels like the gesture is meant to give strength, he just doesn’t know to whom. “You know what? I’ve been everywhere. Literally everywhere. I’ve been to Asia and America and then Europe and then when I thought I had seen everything. That I had met every kind of people that there was. I returned here. To where I was born, searching. I was fucking lost.” He hears a ‘fuck’ under his breath and a soft laugh. “And a part of my brain told me that if I tried to get back to my original dream that I wouldn’t feel so…” He lets the words hang and bites his lip. Levi feels like the brunet wants to say something else but he changes it once he catches himself. “I thought that I had met every single type of people and you know who made me think that I was wrong?”

Levi doesn’t answer the question. He shakes his head, dropping his gaze with the movement. ‘Eren…’ The brunet’s demeanour changes so quickly that Levi raises his head again eyes wide. He is changing his weight from feet to feet. His hand unconsciously squeezes Levi’s own. “I’m not” His voice isn’t calm and secure anymore - fragile. “I’m not really a person that falls for other people, Levi. I’m the guy that doesn’t get romance and is the last to understand when someone is interested in me or other people. So when you showed up and I got this feeling I knew that I couldn’t just… Let you go.”

He stops and for the first time he is the one that doesn’t meet Levi’s eyes. “I don’t even know what sort of relationship I want with you… but I’m still chasing after you.” He sees the smile on his lips. He tugs on his hand trying to catch Eren’s attention this time. The brunet look at him, sweet grey eyes that match the sky. _‘I was fucked from the start. Wasn’t I?’_

“Let’s go inside”

  


[C8H11NO3]

  


They were cold, soaked to the bone. Dripping water at the entrance. The short of the two only grimaces twice when he sees the puddle on the floor that appeared as soon as they stepped inside. Levi pressured Eren to get rid of his clothing’s at the door and get in the shower. Eren borrows a shirt, some boxers and a pair of sweatpants which were surprisingly fitting. Levi uses the shower next. When he leaves the bathroom, he founds Eren perched on his window sill admiring the outside. Knees close to his chest arms circling them.

“Hey” He drops the towel he had in his hand on top of the brunet’s hair “Dry your hair properly” He starts dragging the towel trough the brunet’s hair freeing it of the stray droplets. He sighs and pushes his head further onto Levi’s moving hands. “How did, you even knew where I lived?”

He hums for a few, like a cat purring. “Magic” Levi pulls on his hair using the towel. “Ouch. Okay, jeez. Mikasa.” He rolls his eyes, he should have known she was behind this. He works the towel for a little while longer, when a thought crosses his mind.

“Can I just assume that the fact that you knew where I was working was also her?” He leans back until his head hits the raven’s chest and looks up. The grin says it all. 

“Maybe?” His eyes crinkle and that stupid dimple is there. He raises a hand onto Levi’s hair, he pets him. Hand going up and down his undercut. “Forgive me” He rolls his eyes and covers Eren’s face with the towel. Whispering ‘dork’ under his breath. He sits in his couch and covers himself with the blanket that was draped on the back. Eren joins him as soon as he is done getting rid of the towel.

They stay there in the silence, the pitter patter of the rain breaking the silence. Levi breaks the silence with a heavy sigh. Eren looks at him question look on his features. Levi concedes and starts explaining his thoughts. “What did you mean by ‘I don’t fall in love’?”

He shrugs. “Just that.”

There’s a smile creeping up his features at the irony. “You’re aro?” _‘Fuck, what are the chances?’_

“I guess? Some shade of it?” He rakes a hand through the back of his head and shrugs again. “It’s not like I gave some kind of thought to it, to be honest. I just kind of went with the flow and… Shit, it’s not like I had to actually worry about it before some douche bag appeared in my life.” There’s a foot on his side pushing him off the couch, he grabs it and manages not to fall. He laughs once Levi gives up on pushing him.

Eren leans onto the raven’s side of the sofa and drops his head onto his chest. “What are we even?” Levi puts his chin onto the top of the brunet’s head after speaking. The brunet does a non-comitial noise in response. The raven face palms, mostly to hide his laughter. “He shouldn’t be allowed to be together. We’re morons.”

“Yeah. I think we can be whatever we want, really…” His voice his slightly muffled by the blanket covering Levi’s form. “It’s not like there are rules? I mean we do it ourselves, the rules, depending on what feels natural to us?” The raven gives an affirmative nod. Eren pushes himself further upwards now resting his head on his neck. He feels his lips move when he speaks. “Are you okay with this?”

“Yeah” He breaths.

Eren places a hand on the back of his neck and pushes him onto his lips. He pecks him there, soft and short. His lips lingers on his skin though, dragging upwards. “Still okay?” The words are more breathed than spoken. He nods jerkily. His hands are bunching the blanket, unsure of what to do with them. Eren lips are close to his ear. He feels them scarping his lobe. He stops breathing when he feels the feather like touch of lips there. “Can I kiss you?” Eren speaks so low. He knows he wouldn’t be able to hear it if they weren’t that close. There’s a hint of uncertainty on his tone, even if his movements look so sure.

“No” Smirk on his lips. Eren withdraws himself from Levi like he had been burned. When he sees the smile he scowls.

“Hey, hey. Tha-” He doesn’t let him finish. Levi’s lips are on his. Slow and steady. He finally dislodges his hands from the blanket and roams them through Eren’s torso. Feeling his form, his warmth. His lips are so, so soft against his chapped ones. It feels nice and for once it doesn’t feel like he is drowning or going over his head.

It just feel right – feels like Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! Ups, did I not mention that Eren was Aro on this Au? Oh! My mistake.


End file.
